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Jump-Off XXXXXIV
Tuesday, July 25th, 2006
Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much ~ Oscar Wilde
DBKL?
Unlicensed Extras
Jennifer Chang and Charlotte Morse were unable to compete for rosettes, prize-money or points in the Malaysian Open World Cup as they failed to produce a riding license from their “home” country. While they hold American passports, they did not get a license from the USEF beyond the first World Cup show. The officials allowed them to compete after the organisers intervened and Charlotte even went on to the jump-off with both her horses. But their results were “scratched” and did not appear in the official results. Perhaps because the FEI does not allow riders to go hors concours in international events.
These two riders were accepted by the FEI as Hong Kong extras in the South East Asian World Cup League last year. This year they apparently need Hong Kong passports or American licenses.
Fastest Umpires
The New Zealand Umpires at the RSPC-RMPA International League Polo Tournament succumbed to a local food bug and had “the runs.” Intrepid umpires visit local pharmacy asking for Imodium to plug things up. Spoken Kiwi is not well understood by local pharmacist who gives them Brooklax and sends them on their way. “The runs” turned into “the sprints.”
Best Polo Comeback
Polo has been accused of having macho polo players, fast women and pretty horses.
Suave Polo Player to Pretty Lady: Dance with me. I dance the way I play polo! Pretty Fast Lady: I don’t do slow dances.
Polo-ed Out
Pete’s polo team at the recent National League Polo Tournament was decimated as first Shaik Reismann and Rizal Ramli collided with each other, then Samsuri Ismail got hit by a stick on his elbow and later on in the tournament Pete fractured his ankle. Anyone superstitious?
Suspended Congrats
A polo professional was invited by a committee member to a play with him in an overseas tournament. He took his annual leave and went. They won the tournament. Instead of receiving congratulations when he got back, he was slapped with a three week suspension for failing to ask the Polo Captain permission for playing abroad.
Need you ask which uptight country this would have happened in?
Hormat Pak Guard
Those visiting the airport quarantine station may wish to note that a certain Pak Guard on the gate seems to think he is deserving of serious respect. Be warned that if you don’t give him the proper respect, salute and polite words on your way in, you may find the gate locked when you try to exit. Then you have to beg some fat, saronged, smoking and scratching Pak Guard who evidently has an identity crisis, and listen to his lecture on respect. So much for service with a smile.
Trish’s Shoe Crisis
On the eve of the CIC* SEA Eventing League, Trish Braithwaite faced a major shoe crisis. No, not a horse-shoe crisis, but what shoes to wear with her oh-so-short skirt at the trot-up. It was the only crisis Trish had at the show, cruising to an easy win with Crusoe.
Double Dismount
Not all people know their own strength. RDA’s Sandra Cooper being a case in point. A Jump Steward at the CIC*, she gave Stanley Sinnapen a leg-up after a fall, only to throw him over the horse. No penalties were charged for the second dismount.
Not all eventers
A 2001 SEA Games Eventer who has recently put on a bit of weight put his poor result in a cross-country ride to being unfit. Not from carrying extra weight but from too much activity the night before! If Eventers are reputed to do it three days running, this one must be a has-been.
Bold Hero
Congratulations to James Ravindra who rode Bold Hero in the Introductory Category at the SEA Eventing League. Bold Hero is a registered racehorse that is still on the active list. He is trained at the Perak Turf Club by former champion trainer Marinus (Peter) van Breukelen.
No Happy Ending
Stressed out journalists at the KL World Cup Final were offered free massages by not one but two real live masseurs. There was Power & Grace, with a variety of vibrating appliances.
As the KL World Cup Final brochure says, nothing beats watching it live.
I-Porn
A massage machine company is on a
massive promotional blitz offering their ride massager to “those who
can’t afford to take up riding.” Their models do these rotational hip
movements that look like a combination of piaffe and half-pass. Then
there is the rodeo pose. Allegedly exercised body parts helpfully
throbbing on TV. Jump-off thinks it is simply the best soft-porn ad
this year.
Madonna’s equestrian theme
Her Madgesty is at it again. In her latest tour, she emerges from a giant US$2million Swarovski-crystal glitter ball to sing the Confessions track Future Lovers. Wearing equestrian gear complete with top hat and riding crop, she whips the male dancers writhing around her.
Horse riders in the UK are being issued with day-glo vests so helicopter pilots can see them.
Presumably they make easier targets.
Nuts
A British owner has turned one of his stallions into a gelding because its name is Ronaldo. “It would have given me much more satisfaction if I could have had the real Ronaldo’s nuts cut off. But this is the best I could do," he says.
We’re having a heat wave, a tropical heat wave…
A police horse is getting through 10 bottles of sun cream a week in order to cope with the summer heat wave.
The Royal Wee
Prince Harry sneaked into the corner of a horsebox during a posh polo bash. He turned his back, apparently to hide his crown jewels. However a spokesman refused to comment on whether he had indeed gone for a royal wee.
Congratulations to Tun Musa Hitam on being conferred the highest award of the land. That makes Ika ‘Toh Puan’…
Wedding Bells were heard for polo player and racecar driver Toh Muda Rizal Ashram Ramli, known to the polo set as Jejai, who finally got hitched to actress Nora Mohd Danish Hanif.
Born to Lingesparan and Marie Becquevort - Tom Shamalan on Saturday 15th July. Mother and child are said to be doing well. Father is said to be still celebrating!
Farewell to Amanda Garran, who has departed for Normandy, France after an extended stay in South East Asia, first in Indonesia and then in Malaysia, where she terrorized South East Asian and Asian Games riders with her no-nonsense attitude as a steward. Amanda Commander has said she will return for the occasional inspection.
To read previous editions of Jump-Off, please click on the links below:
Thanks
to everyone who has contributed to this (and previous) Jump-Offs. If
you have an interesting story that you think should be in Jump-Off,
please e-mail pete@equestrian.com.my
No Happy Ending