Jump-Off XXXXXVI
Sunday, October 1st, 2006
The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong in the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry. ~ Ernest Hemingway
What’s Judge Vithai looking at?
Going beyond the normal call of duty, Judge Vithai of Thailand makes a close inspection of the most important legs in the CNC* at STC Equestrian Championships.
WMD’s at NHS
When two foreign riders went at it at the National Horse Show, one of them is said to have used a new type of WMD - Weapon of Massive Dandy.
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New FEI Red Cards
Jump-Off was shown a new type of FEI disciplinary card. The FEI Red Card was issued to two riders at the National Horse Show. Jump-Off has removed the names of the rider on this red card as we do not wish to be subject to attack by WMD's.
The FEI has not commented on the use of this new Red Card.
Lady Drivers
A certain famous lady driver dropped her “whip” before crossing the finish line of the scurry at the National Horse Show. All she could say was, “I didn't know you fell off!”
Blind Judging
A regularly used dressage judge is said to be running out of scribes as most refuse to scribe for this judge any longer. This veteran judge asks the scribes to give marks for riders’ movements. Even scribes who know nothing about dressage! The judge has been spoken to by several other judges but continues this bizarre practice.
Handicapped Teachers
A judge at the National Horse Show complimented the organizers on their large entries for the Riding for the Disabled Association (RDA) Dressage Class. It turned out that half the entries were not handicapped riders at all, but Riding in Schools Programme teachers who were keen to ride any possible dressage tests at all.
RDA Stinger
Two ladies exchanging notes in the Powder Room on where they should go for a nightcap after the RDA Ball:
1st Ah Lian – Let’s go to “Mosquito”
2nd Ah Lian – Where?
1st Ah Lian – Mosquito, on Asian Heritage Row
2nd Ah Lian – Mosquito? Never heard of it.
3rd Lady – It’s “Mesquite” not “Mosquito”
RDA Singer
Donny Ray Radford of the Platters was a surprise guest singer at the RDA Ball.
Catch the Pony
At the RDA Ball an RDA pony was adopted at a cost of RM17,500 by an RDA committee member. There was some spirited bidding prior to his bid, but the under bidder chose instead to stop bidding and make an outright donation of RM15,000 to the RDA. It left the committee member holding the winning bid. Jump-Off is glad that in no way was the pony being bid up in the auction.
New Hands
Groupie - How big is your new horse?
International Showjumper - 16.4 hands
Groupie - *Confused* Isn’t that like 17 hands?
International Showjumper – No, it’s 16.4 hands
Doha Dossier
After the elaborate defense of their selection policy, a total of six endurance riders were invited by the EAM to a Doha Asian Games Team Meeting. The four team riders have been announced.
The other two individuals are apparently secret agents.
Failing the Vet Test
Doha-bound Malaysian riders of all disciplines signed a petition asking for Dr Balakrishna Naidu to be appointed Malaysian Team Vet at the Asian Games. Despite not treating the majority, or minority of the horses going, Dr Shamsol Kamal will still go as Malaysia’s Official Team Vet.
Hussie and Jones
Filipino jumping trainer Jones Lanza accompanied Malaysian eventer Husref Jeremiah to see a new apartment. The real estate agent asked Husref what he thought of it. Then asked if his “boyfriend” liked it too.
Jones just happens to be happily married (not to Husref) and is the father of a two-year old. While Jones still finds it quite funny, the unattached Hussie can’t seem to find the funny side of it any more.
Wattsie’s Bikini Meter Maids
Gold Coast World Cup Course Designer Graham Watts decided to create a showjumping fence inspired by Gold Coast’s famous bikinied meter maids. He used mannequins to frame the fence and clothed them appropriately. Some riders are said to have stolen into the area and made off his Wattsie’s maids. Next morning, realising that he had been cuckolded, Wattsie threw a tantrum declaring there would be no World Cup if he didn’t get his mannequins back. The mannequins turned up, but naughtily, one of them didn’t have her bikini bottoms any more.
Polo Bums
Polo jerseys are very much in fashion for non-polo players. You only have to venture to a polo friendly bar like Bar SaVanh to find a coterie of non-riders sporting polo shirts complete with playing numbers.
Now even polo players are getting in on it, adding the ubiquitous polo design to their apparel. In a number of unusual places.
Equestrian Etiquette 101
New riders don’t seem to know some of the dress etiquette associated with our sport. For example, an old cavalry rule is that a rider shouldn’t sit down for a meal with his spurs on. It is futile for a dressage rider who is wearing a sleeveless shirt to try to ride a test without a jacket on. And poor etiquette to write to the Organising Committee to complain if a judge tells her to either ride with a jacket or change her shirt.
How to win rosettes in the Pony Club
How to win: Step 1: Buy a pony. Step 2: Get your mother to dope all the other ponies. Step 3: Collect rosette.
Transitions:
We bid a very fond farewell to Cyndy Cross, who instructed at the SAF Armed Forces Saddle Club, Selangor Polo & Riding Club and at various riding establishments in Indonesia. Cyndy passed away peacefully on 26th September, in Kent, England. She will be missed by the many hundreds of riders she influenced and remained friends with in over thirty years in South East Asia.
To read previous editions of Jump-Off, please click on the links below:
This Jump-Off is dedicated to Cyndy Cross
What’s Judge Vithai looking at?
Going beyond the normal call of duty, Judge Vithai of Thailand makes a close inspection of the most important legs in the CNC* at STC Equestrian Championships.
WMD’s at NHS
When two foreign riders went at it at the National Horse Show, one of them is said to have used a new type of WMD - Weapon of Massive Dandy.
New FEI Red CardsJump-Off was shown a new type of FEI disciplinary card. The FEI Red Card was issued to two riders at the National Horse Show. Jump-Off has removed the names of the rider on this red card as we do not wish to be subject to attack by WMD's.
The FEI has not commented on the use of this new Red Card.
Lady Drivers
A certain famous lady driver dropped her “whip” before crossing the finish line of the scurry at the National Horse Show. All she could say was, “I didn't know you fell off!”
Blind Judging
A regularly used dressage judge is said to be running out of scribes as most refuse to scribe for this judge any longer. This veteran judge asks the scribes to give marks for riders’ movements. Even scribes who know nothing about dressage! The judge has been spoken to by several other judges but continues this bizarre practice.
Handicapped Teachers
A judge at the National Horse Show complimented the organizers on their large entries for the Riding for the Disabled Association (RDA) Dressage Class. It turned out that half the entries were not handicapped riders at all, but Riding in Schools Programme teachers who were keen to ride any possible dressage tests at all.
RDA Stinger
Two ladies exchanging notes in the Powder Room on where they should go for a nightcap after the RDA Ball:
1st Ah Lian – Let’s go to “Mosquito”
2nd Ah Lian – Where?
1st Ah Lian – Mosquito, on Asian Heritage Row
2nd Ah Lian – Mosquito? Never heard of it.
3rd Lady – It’s “Mesquite” not “Mosquito”
RDA Singer
Donny Ray Radford of the Platters was a surprise guest singer at the RDA Ball.
Catch the Pony
At the RDA Ball an RDA pony was adopted at a cost of RM17,500 by an RDA committee member. There was some spirited bidding prior to his bid, but the under bidder chose instead to stop bidding and make an outright donation of RM15,000 to the RDA. It left the committee member holding the winning bid. Jump-Off is glad that in no way was the pony being bid up in the auction.
New Hands
Groupie - How big is your new horse?
International Showjumper - 16.4 hands
Groupie - *Confused* Isn’t that like 17 hands?
International Showjumper – No, it’s 16.4 hands
Doha Dossier
After the elaborate defense of their selection policy, a total of six endurance riders were invited by the EAM to a Doha Asian Games Team Meeting. The four team riders have been announced.
The other two individuals are apparently secret agents.
Failing the Vet Test
Doha-bound Malaysian riders of all disciplines signed a petition asking for Dr Balakrishna Naidu to be appointed Malaysian Team Vet at the Asian Games. Despite not treating the majority, or minority of the horses going, Dr Shamsol Kamal will still go as Malaysia’s Official Team Vet.
Hussie and Jones
Filipino jumping trainer Jones Lanza accompanied Malaysian eventer Husref Jeremiah to see a new apartment. The real estate agent asked Husref what he thought of it. Then asked if his “boyfriend” liked it too.
Jones just happens to be happily married (not to Husref) and is the father of a two-year old. While Jones still finds it quite funny, the unattached Hussie can’t seem to find the funny side of it any more.
Wattsie’s Bikini Meter Maids
Gold Coast World Cup Course Designer Graham Watts decided to create a showjumping fence inspired by Gold Coast’s famous bikinied meter maids. He used mannequins to frame the fence and clothed them appropriately. Some riders are said to have stolen into the area and made off his Wattsie’s maids. Next morning, realising that he had been cuckolded, Wattsie threw a tantrum declaring there would be no World Cup if he didn’t get his mannequins back. The mannequins turned up, but naughtily, one of them didn’t have her bikini bottoms any more.
Polo Bums
Polo jerseys are very much in fashion for non-polo players. You only have to venture to a polo friendly bar like Bar SaVanh to find a coterie of non-riders sporting polo shirts complete with playing numbers. Now even polo players are getting in on it, adding the ubiquitous polo design to their apparel. In a number of unusual places.
Equestrian Etiquette 101
New riders don’t seem to know some of the dress etiquette associated with our sport. For example, an old cavalry rule is that a rider shouldn’t sit down for a meal with his spurs on. It is futile for a dressage rider who is wearing a sleeveless shirt to try to ride a test without a jacket on. And poor etiquette to write to the Organising Committee to complain if a judge tells her to either ride with a jacket or change her shirt.
How to win rosettes in the Pony Club
How to win: Step 1: Buy a pony. Step 2: Get your mother to dope all the other ponies. Step 3: Collect rosette.
Transitions:
We bid a very fond farewell to Cyndy Cross, who instructed at the SAF Armed Forces Saddle Club, Selangor Polo & Riding Club and at various riding establishments in Indonesia. Cyndy passed away peacefully on 26th September, in Kent, England. She will be missed by the many hundreds of riders she influenced and remained friends with in over thirty years in South East Asia.
To read previous editions of Jump-Off, please click on the links below:
Jump-Off XXXXXV - 6 September 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXIV - 25 July 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXIII - 25 May 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXII - 19 April 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXI - 15 February 2005
Jump-Off XXXXX - 14 December 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIX - 21 November 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVIII - 21 October 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVII - 3 September 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVI - 20 July 2005
Jump-Off XXXXV - 2 June 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIV - 12 April 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIII - 24 February 2005
Jump-Off XXXXXIV - 25 July 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXIII - 25 May 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXII - 19 April 2006
Jump-Off XXXXXI - 15 February 2005
Jump-Off XXXXX - 14 December 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIX - 21 November 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVIII - 21 October 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVII - 3 September 2005
Jump-Off XXXXVI - 20 July 2005
Jump-Off XXXXV - 2 June 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIV - 12 April 2005
Jump-Off XXXXIII - 24 February 2005
Jump-Off XXXXII - 24 January 2005
Jump-Off XXXXI - 30 December 2004
Jump-Off XXXX - 5 November 2004
Jump-Off XXXIX: Not The Equestrian Awards - 20 October 2004
Jump-Off XXXVIII - 29 September 2004
Jump-Off XXXVII - 6 September 2004
Jump-Off: Olympic Edition II - 26 August 2004
Jump-Off: Olympic Edition I - 19 August 2004
Jump-Off XXXIV - 6 August 2004
Jump-Off XXXIII - 12 July 2004
Jump-Off XXXII - 22 June 2004
Jump-Off XXXI - 20 May 2004
Jump-Off XXX - 17 April 2004
Jump-Off XXIX - 27 February 2004
Jump-Off XXVIII - 5 February 2004
Jump-Off XXVII - 21 January 2004
Jump-Off XXVI - 22 Dec 2003
Jump-Off XXV - 10 Dec 2003
Jump-Off XXIV – 28 Nov 2003
Jump-Off XXIII - 15 Nov 2003
Jump-Off XXII - 25 October 2003
Jump-Off XXI - 1 October 2003
Jump-Off XX - 1 September 2003
Jump-Off XIX - 12 August 2003
Jump-Off XVIII: Not-The-Equestrian Awards - 17 July 2003
Jump-Off XVII - 14 June 2003
Jump-Off XVI - 24th May 2003
Jump-Off XV - 25th April 2003
Jump-Off XIV - 31st March 2003
Jump-Off XIII - 6th March 2003
Jump-Off XII - 12th February 2003
Jump-Off XI - 16th January 2003
Jump-Off X - 12th December 2002
Jump-Off IX - 14th November 2002
Jump-Off VIII - 19th September 2002
Jump-Off VII - 6th September 2002
Jump-Off VI - 13th August 2002
Jump-Off V - 2nd August 2002
Jump-Off IV - 15th July 2002
Jump-Off III - 27th June 2002
Jump-Off II - 20th June 2002
Jump-Off I - 14th June 2002
Jump-Off XXXVII - 6 September 2004
Jump-Off: Olympic Edition II - 26 August 2004
Jump-Off: Olympic Edition I - 19 August 2004
Jump-Off XXXIV - 6 August 2004
Jump-Off XXXIII - 12 July 2004
Jump-Off XXXII - 22 June 2004
Jump-Off XXXI - 20 May 2004
Jump-Off XXX - 17 April 2004
Jump-Off XXIX - 27 February 2004
Jump-Off XXVIII - 5 February 2004
Jump-Off XXVII - 21 January 2004
Jump-Off XXVI - 22 Dec 2003
Jump-Off XXV - 10 Dec 2003
Jump-Off XXIV – 28 Nov 2003
Jump-Off XXIII - 15 Nov 2003
Jump-Off XXII - 25 October 2003
Jump-Off XXI - 1 October 2003
Jump-Off XX - 1 September 2003
Jump-Off XIX - 12 August 2003
Jump-Off XVIII: Not-The-Equestrian Awards - 17 July 2003
Jump-Off XVII - 14 June 2003
Jump-Off XVI - 24th May 2003
Jump-Off XV - 25th April 2003
Jump-Off XIV - 31st March 2003
Jump-Off XIII - 6th March 2003
Jump-Off XII - 12th February 2003
Jump-Off XI - 16th January 2003
Jump-Off X - 12th December 2002
Jump-Off IX - 14th November 2002
Jump-Off VIII - 19th September 2002
Jump-Off VII - 6th September 2002
Jump-Off VI - 13th August 2002
Jump-Off V - 2nd August 2002
Jump-Off IV - 15th July 2002
Jump-Off III - 27th June 2002
Jump-Off II - 20th June 2002
Jump-Off I - 14th June 2002
Other fun:
- PENIS Formed
- Malaysia to host 2008 Olympic Equestrian Games
- South East Asian Open World Dressage Championship 2004
- Rodrigo to ride for Malaysia
- Jump-Off's New Years Resolutions - 29th December 2002
- Selling Terms
Thanks to everyone who has contributed to this (and previous) Jump-Offs. If you have an interesting story that you think should be in Jump-Off, please e-mail pete@equestrian.com.my
